I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
