I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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