Betty ford says i'm here all night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
