i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize