Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
