sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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