hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?