Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come