Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter