I wish I could punch you in the face.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.