Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.