I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
BRING THE BAGELS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize