Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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