Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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