Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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