handjob tips. give me some.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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