Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
