apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
