I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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