ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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