In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
