He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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