Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
