Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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