it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
