its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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