does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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