She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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