I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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