I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
