Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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