Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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