he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
