Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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