The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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