they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
