I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
