i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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