bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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