If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
