Me. At least after what I've been through.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
