after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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