I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
