You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did i walk over a car last night?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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