My liver just broke up with me...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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