i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im holly from the hills drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
