what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I party with great urgency now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
