The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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