PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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