Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
