Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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