John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
