new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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