How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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