I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
