I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
