apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
