I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
