Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
