there's paper in my vomit.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
